Who We Are
Hospice Volunteer Turns Hospice Patient
Still Helping Others, Despite
His Condition
Hospice of The Gorge volunteer Karl Marlow, who had been awarded the Oregon Hospice Association’s “Dream Team” award for volunteering, became, as fate would have it, himself a hospice patient.
Despite his status as a patient, Karl remained committed to the ideals of being a hospice volunteer, and he continued to want to help people find “quality of life” at life's end. Though he was no longer able to visit people in their homes, he hoped he could help in some way while he was ill himself, by sharing a bit of his philosophy about life, about dying, and about hospice care.
Previously Marlow visited patients for Hospice of The Gorge in the rural areas of Hood River, Wasco, Klickitat, and Skamania counties. He often traveled significant distances to visit patients, many times up gravel or dirt roads, in the snow, in the rain ... no matter what the conditions outside, patients could count on Karl to be there for them.
Hospice of The Gorge community education coordinator, Pat Case, and volunteer coordinator, Christine Jones, interviewed Karl in his home. He wrote out many of the responses to questions he was asked, as his condition interfered with him being able to talk. These are his responses verbatim.
Q1. What motivated you to want to become a hospice volunteer?
Several years ago my brother went on hospice service at the Legacy Hopewell Hospice House in Portland. I was very impressed with the skill level of the people there, and with the type of treatments they offered.
I had never seen that type of caring before … so deep, so committed. It was the way they walked us through the process … and the nurturing and care they gave to my brother and to the family that really impressed me.
I was amazed by the way hospice brought in all of the different services … different services for different people. They seemed to know just what each patient wanted and needed.
Q2. What did you enjoy most about being a hospice volunteer?
I would never butt in with my own personal beliefs because that’s not the hospice way. But I enjoyed communicating with people about more personal issues, and spiritual matters, if that’s what they wanted. We always went first and foremost with what the patient wanted, and we geared what we did to their needs.
But I felt I was able to really make a difference, especially with men, who generally find it difficult to open up.
Q3. How were you able to get people to open up?
The more time I could spend with a person, the easier it was for the person to get comfortable. So I made it a point to try and carve out as much time as possible. And I would always work with people based on what they wanted to talk about that day. Every day was different.
Q4. Can you say more about the process?
People at the end of life go through stages ranging from anger to pity to acceptance. Sometimes they go though them quickly, and sometimes it would take time. And sometimes … often … people would keep circling through the stages over and over again. One day they would be up, the next day down. You just had to be there for them, no matter where they were at on that particular day.
Q5. What about your approach … your attitude?
You never want to be down yourself, because you’re there to help, not cause bigger problems. So you want to try and stay as positive and as helpful as possible. You’re there as an advocate for the person who is dying, so you need to be on their side … in whatever way you can … and not inject your own feelings into the situation.
It’s difficult to put all this into a readers digest condensed version.
Q6. And what about you, where are you at in the stages that you mention?
Well, I think I’ve moved beyond anger.
Except, I’m angry at the army for holding up some paperwork, but that’s the government you’re dealing with. The reason I’ve been going through all this goes back to my days in Vietnam where I was exposed to Agent Orange. I flew helicopters back then with the 101st Airborne … bringing in supplies and picking up the wounded. And there’s some compensation owed for all that, which is slow in coming.
Other than that, I’m reconciled to the situation. I’ve been fighting this now for 7 to 8 years, and I’m more than ready. Sure, just like everyone else, I get unready at times, but then I get ready again . . . then unready. Like so many others, I go through constant mood changes.
But this shouldn’t be about me. It’s about other patients and their problems we should be talking about here.
Q7. Are there any lessons you’ve learned from talking with dying people?
Well, probably the most important thing to know is that everyone is different. People reach different stages at different times, and everyone’s needs are different. That’s one of the things I’ve always admired about hospice. They treat everyone as a unique individual.
Q8. Are some people more able to accept their situations than others?
Yes, I’ve seen and heard about many people who get to the point of acceptance sooner than others. They just seem to be able to say “It’s my time now.” They’re able then to not fight it, but to relax and actually enjoy the transition. It’s as if they welcome going home.
Q9. Why do you think this is so?
I want to be careful with what I say here, because I don’t want to inject my own biases. It’s not the hospice way. But . . . what I’ve observed is that people who have a higher level of spirituality seem to be better able to come to terms with dying. It’s as if they don’t think of this place here on earth as home. They actually seem to give a big sigh of relief when they find out their time has come.
People with a higher level of spirituality don’t seem to have as many of the basic questions about life and death, because they’ve already brought up and answered many of these questions throughout the course of their life.
Q10. Do you want to add anything else about what it’s like at the end of life?
What it should be about is quality of life. People can get help out there in a number of places, but much of that help has nothing to do with having a quality of life. That’s why I’ve been so high on hospice, and why I’ve been a volunteer all these years. Hospice is about helping people have the kind of quality of life they need and deserve as their lives draw to a close.
Reflecting on Karl's Contibution
According to Hospice of The Gorge volunteer coordinator Christine Jones, Karl was the type of volunteer who was willing to help out in the most difficult of situations. “He often traveled more than a hundred miles to see just one patient … and it didn’t matter if it was snowing or raining, or if he had to travel down dirt roads to get there. He never balked about the conditions. He made such a positive difference in the lives of so many people … patients, their families, and our own staff. He has truly been a joy and an inspiration to work with.”
Thank You, Karl Marlow
Karl Marlow, thank you so much for your many contributions to hospice patients and to this world. You will be remembered and missed.
—From all of us at Hospice of The Gorge
