Patient Stories
Hospice Patient Shares Her Views on
Life, Death, and Dying
Sarah, a patient with Hospice of The Gorge, spent many hours talking with hospice volunteers, recounting stories about her life and her children.
She hoped that by sharing her views on life, death and dying, that her children would better understand how much she loved them.
Following are a few excerpts from our conversatons with Sarah. The full transcripts of our conversations were given to Sarah's family at her request. Thank you so much Sarah, for having shared your thougths and feelings with us, and for allowing us to share them with others.
(Photo of Sarah's hands, compliments of Susan Garrett Crowley.)
Click here for additional views on life, death and dying from other patients.
Sarah's Experience with Chemo
After my very first (and only) treatment of chemo, I was over at Dana's house. Shelley was there, too. Both of the girls wanted to be there if I got real sick, because the doctor had told us, he said: “Now, this is going to make you really, really sick.” And he said: “You’re going to think you’re going to loose everything in your body.”
Well, for me, it was that bad and then some!
They must have given me a stronger dose than they should have, because I got sicker than normal; way sicker than the doctor expected I would.
And, the last thing I remember there at Dana's house, was that I was just sitting on the side of the bed and I said to Shelley: “Ah, honey, I’m so sick.” I was vomiting, and it was just like I didn’t have anything to vomit; just like my stomach was trying to come out of me.
And that’s the last thing I remember. I don’t remember getting in the car and going to the hospital. I don’t remember being in the hospital. I don’t remember a cotton-pickin thing until I woke up and I was sitting on a pot and I was wondering where in the Sam-Hill I was at.
It finally dawned on me that I was in the hospital.
I had been there for three weeks . . . but I don’t remember a thing about it. Later, people told me everything that happened, but I just have no recollection of it whatsoever.
Sarah's Hospice Experience
I’m doing pretty good now. I’m still on hospice, but my nurse tells me that she thinks I might be getting back almost to normal now. And, believe me when I tell you that I work at it! I always try to take my medicine regular, eat my meals regular, and eat a lot of vegetables and fruit . . . and meat, ice cream and milk —stuff I think that would help me gain weight. And, lordy, since I’ve been sick, I think I’ve drank more milk now than I ever drank in my whole life!
And those girls from hospice have been just wonderful. They do just everything for me. I don’t know what I would do without them. Whenever I think of them, I think of how blessed I am.
Sarah's Thoughts about Dying ... and What Lies Ahead
I don’t have any fear of dying. Everybody has to die.
When you die, you can go home to God. And when I die, I’ll see my husband and my son and my mom and my dad and my sweet little-ole brother that was killed in the war. And, I might accidentally get to meet that man who pulled me out of the water and saved my life all those years ago. So, why on earth should I be afraid to die?
And, then, someday, why my best friend would be up there too.
I would hate to leave my daughters, of course, but someday my daughters are gonna be up there with me, too.
So, the way I see it, we’ll all be just one big happy family again.
Everybody has to die.
And my husband, God bless his heart, he was looking up at me after he had his heart attack, and the last words he said to me . . . he says, “You know mom, it is so beautiful up there.” And I said back to him, “I know honey.” And he passed away the next morning.
But oh how I miss that man! I miss him everyday. I know he’s happy . . . but sometimes I’ll start to do something and I’ll say, “My gosh pop, I sure do miss you . . . I wish you were here to do this for me!”
