Patient Stories
How a Family was Helped by Hospice in The Dalles, OR
For Jay and Nikki White, of The Dalles, OR, putting family first isn’t just a philosophy, it’s a lifestyle. Over the course of six years, they provided end of life care for Jay’s mother, father and uncle.
Each time, they worked with a hospice in The Dalles, OR, called Hospice of The Gorge.
Hospice of The Gorge serves eight counties in the Gorge, including Wasco county, the county where the historic town of The Dalles is located.
Jay shares his experience about caring for both of his parents as well as his uncle, and what it was like to work with the hospice in The Dalles.
Jay & Nikki Care for Mom & Dad
“My mom always told us that blood is thicker than water and that you only have one family,” says Jay. That belief was tested about six years ago when it became apparent that Jay’s parents, Jim and Mary White of The Dalles, OR, needed more care than they could receive in the assisted living center where they lived.
Intent on helping his parents live out their days in their own home, Jay and Nikki, along with Jay’s parents, purchased a house together in The Dalles. They renovated it to accommodate a wheelchair, and Nikki took classes to learn how to care for their chronic health needs. Jay helped in the evenings after putting in full days at The Dalles Dam.
Uncle Bob Comes to Oregon to Die
Two years later, while still caring for his elderly parents in their home, Jay received a call from a Florida hospital. His uncle, Robert White, was seriously ill and not expected to live.
“Uncle Bob had been estranged from the family for about 40 years,” says Jay who met his uncle for the first time at a family reunion only a few years before. “At that time, I told him that if he ever needed a place to stay, he could come live with us.”
Uncle Bob, now in his mid-90s, was ready to take his nephew up on his offer. “He didn’t want to die around strangers, but he had no support for his passing,” Jay remembers.
Intent on once again helping family members in need, Jay and Nikki began planning
to bring Jay’s uncle Bob to Oregon. He contacted the staff at Hospice of the Gorge who helped him find a local physician and he worked closely with Hospice to make sure the needed supplies, equipment and hospice nurse were there to greet Bob when he arrived.
Although the doctors in Florida did not expect him to survive the airplane flight, Uncle Bob enjoyed several weeks in The Dalles sharing stories and getting reacquainted with his family.
Jay's Mom & Dad Take a Turn for the Worse
In the years following his uncle’s death, Jay noticed a gradual decline in the health of both of his parents.
Because of their experience caring for Uncle Bob at home, Jay and Nikki were prepared. They saw the signs, and knew when it was time to focus on comfort care rather than a cure. Once again, they called on Hospice
of The Gorge.
Jim White died in 2006, four days before Christmas. Mary White continued to live with her son and daughter-in-law until her death on February 20, 2008.
Reflections on Hospice Care
“There are two parts to hospice care,” says Jay. “One is the logistical help: supplies, medications, the nurses and the aides who help with the physical care. The second is the emotional care.
The biggest help Hospice provided was taking away all the questions about how, why and when to do what. They helped me to understand that I was doing enough, that it would be an okay transition and that my parents didn’t need to suffer.”
Jay admits that providing care for loved ones 24 hours a day seven days a week proved stressful. While costs associated with hospice care were not an issue, Medicare and most insurance policies do not pay for care providers to stay with a patient for several hours at a stretch. Fortunately for Jay and Nikki, they were able to provide for this type of care on their own.
Jay’s nieces and sister, Lisa Phillips, who all lived out of the area, helped as much as they could. “Our family provided the care, but Hospice gave us the guidance so we could take advantage of the resources we had available to us.”
